census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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