I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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