You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
