last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
