Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
