You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
