Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
