the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
