please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
