I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
a search helicopter?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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