There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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