youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
