The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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