allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
