We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She bit a glass in half.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want a musical about memes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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