My nipple is on Facebook.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
