i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
