Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
