why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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