My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
