This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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