he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
