All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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