I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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