i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
