no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
