yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
