I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I party with great urgency now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
