You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
