Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
