remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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