If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
