Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
