I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
