I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
