giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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