LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
