After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
