My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
