Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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