I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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