Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
