Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
