The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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