This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
