forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
