He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
