in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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