dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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