Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
