One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
