I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
