ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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