does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
