She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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