:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
