weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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