i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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