Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
