He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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