her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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