Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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