i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
