And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
