careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
