I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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