Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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