I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
