I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
