Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
