i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
