As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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