I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
