i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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