Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
